A melodrama in one act by richardpeel.com
ehold, our father's great triumph -I thank thee, son
-what about you, Trokkus?
-It's alright, I suppose
-in secret reality I think it's an obscene waste of money
-would that my father were struck down for his incompetence
-but I must go and commit lewd enchantments upon Jemimah
-alright, then, mind how you go
-greetings Trokkus
-hello sweet Jemimah
-what is that dark shadow, behind you?
-tis the result of my father's vanity
-we must leave this place
-I hear the advance of ferocious wolves
-fear not fair Jemimah...bloody hell there's hundreds of them
-aaaaaah
-raaar
-aaaaaaah
-bleurg
-aaaaaaah
-blarg
-raaar
-what's going on here? -look away, father
-tis your poor son's broken shell
-My brother's battered corpse
-I'll avenge you sweet trokkus
-what say you worthy servitors?
-I beseech you proud emperor, give us men that we may commit fury on the wolves in revenge for their brutality
-will you need an army?
-three men, no more
-but there are tonnes of wolves
-three specific men
-name them
-one is Porkus, mighty denizen of stony places
-another is Algenax, commander of the Gaseous Goblins
-Finally we would be most obliged, noble emperor, if you could spare Figa
-most courageous of all your generals, and your personal bodyguard
-no
-what, none of them?
-you can have the first two, obviously
-Porkus is a troublemaker and Algenax is a wizard
-but you would deny us a military leader for our quest?
-ain't no way I'm letting you take Figa
-without his vigilant eyes, my enemies will strike me down
-My emperor, I crave adventure
-settle down, Figa
-as you wish, my emperor
-aargh
-a poison dart!
-So Figa has lost his edge
-but a momentary lapse, I assure you
-We ought to leave this court, we'll only get in the way of the ensuing chaos
-we can take the emperor's finest horses
-how generous
-this eerie landscape
-this treacherous wasteland
-what hardy soul could inhabit such a brutal hell as this?
-look no further
-porkus!
-none other
-you're huge
-indeed, you appear all as rabbits compared to my manly frame
-will you help us to destroy the wolves?
-yes
-splendid, but we have one more potential comrade to entreaty
-we speak of Algenax, sage of Plassinia
-This is going to be good
-wizards are fantastic
-is he really a wizard?
-one of the best
-how do we know he won't bewitch us
-there is no guarantee
-we will just have to steel our wits and sharpen our brains
-in any case, only Algenax can help us four mortals against a zillion wolves
-where does he live?
-the question is not 'where', but...
-who?
-how?
-when?
-what?
-here he is
-hello
-be on your guard, my son his tricking eyes will trick us all
-but i am a simple old man
-come off it, Algenax
-alright, I admit it, I'm as magical as a hat full of time
-and how will you employ your magic?
-I will aid you in your quest, if that is what you mean
-I can be no more specific than that at this current moment in the spacetime continuum
-here come some wolves
-Behold how I confound their advance with tidal waves
-my hairy chest crushes the wolves, three at a time
-and my martial prowess is useful too
-father and i will stand and watch
-here come more wolves
-thunderbolts hath I conjured to burn the wolves
-see how I step on them as if they were crisps
-karate chops I employ upon them
-father and I will join in, if only to shovel wolf-guts out of the way of the carnage (so you don't slip)
-here come the last of the wolves
-their animal brains explode under my psychic attack
-one swipe of my colossal fist is enough to kill thirty-seven of the brutes
-my sword can manage about the same, maybe even a few more
-what a gory mess
-cursed be this whole stretch of land
-wherever the blood touches, henceforth shall spring only brambles and crabapple trees
-we should leave here
-not so fast!
-who speaks?
-stay awhile you five villainous bullybutchermen
-reveal yourself, lady voice.
-you will find out my identity quite soon, first, my husband shall enter
-it's the king of the wolves
-raar
-shall i smite him with my magic?
-or i with my girth?
-or I with my military ways?
-yes, of course, and quickly!
-he is putting his teeth on us, sharp and bacterial
-raar
-take that
-and that
-and that
-raar
-your fighting moves just bounced right off of him
-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
-my husband is invincible
-show yourself at last, callous lady
-Jemimah?
-why would you betray my brother thus?
-Are you willing to hear the whole tale, without interruptions?
-yes
-if you interrupt, I shall have my husband give you a chinese burn
-understood
-I shall begin
-after trokkus was slain, the wolves bore me to their leader
-let me go
-patience, mistress
-we bear you toward a hidden truth
-what truth warrants patience when you have eaten my beloved's face?
-sire she is stubborn and does not wish to hear your truths
-chain her to my throne and I will shout the truths
-I won't listen!
-your lover was a scoundrel
-la la la
-listen
-la la la
-Trokkus had a secret plan to undermine his father, Ramameseus's authority
-la la la
-and destroy his magnificent machine
-what?
-I told you not to interrupt
-ouch!
-what?
-ah so you're listening now
-I don't believe it
-I have it on a tape recorder
-I have a secret plan to undermine my father, Ramameseus's authority
-and destroy his magnificent machine
-wolves cannot abide any child who would speak callumnities against his own father
-yes, that much, at least, is known about you, most mysterious of beasts
-not only that, but Ramameseus's device is essential for the wellbeing of my land
-I would gladly give you leave to use my machine thus, wise wolfking
-and I would gladly accept
-crank her up
-wow
-beautiful
-the mechanical operations are healing all the wounds of this pre-industrial realm
-and look, all the slain wolves are coming back to life
-and there is the emperor
-that'll cause trouble
-and look, it's Trokkus
-sorry father
-we'll say no more about it
-ha haha ha ha ha
-haha ha ha ha
-ha ha haha
-haha ha ha
-ha haha ha ha ha
-haha haha ha